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Norway Envy

By Lionel Beehner

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Norway, for so long a model of normalcy and goody-two-shoes behavior, has recently seen its good name sullied. Known as Scandinavia’s “little brother,” the country hugs the rest of region innocently like an Arctic blanket. It prides itself on its peaceful demeanor; it flirts with Europe’s fraternity of nations but never joins. How very Nordic. And without the messy inequality of its Western peers, the country has a quality of life unmatched by any other.

Yet as Henrik Ibsen might have said about his native people, “Look into any man's heart you please, and you will always find, in every one, at least one black spot which he has to keep concealed.” Alas, the sun may be finally setting in the Land of the Midnight Sun.

First, Norway got uncharacteristically lumped together with the Yanks, Brits and Aussies on Ayman al-Zaqahri’s list of infidel nationalities a few months back on Arabic TV. This came as a surprise to Norwegians, given their lack of involvement in the war in Iraq and their reputation as Middle East peacemakers. What’s more, Norway has given refuge to Kurdish guerrilla leader Mullah Krekar, despite evidence he transferred funds to the terrorist group, Ansar al Islam. Oslo, too, unlike its sister Scandinavian capitals, even has a “Little Karachi.” So why the dishonorable mention by the deputy of Osama bin Laden? Did he simply mix up his geography, or could it be that al-Queda is actually anti-fjord?

Also gone are the stereotypes of Scandinavian gentility. This summer the Norwegians squared off against the Danes in the Euro 2004 qualifier and were likened by the Danish press to “blue eyed Arabs,” a “nation of losers,” and a bunch of “mountain apes” (for their style of soccer). The Danish paper Dagbladet called Norway a “stinking ex-Danish colony,” adding that the bloke depicted in Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” was probably Norway’s happiest citizen. Not only did Denmark win the verbal slugfest, it dominated the 1-0 match. Further feathers were ruffled across the English Channel last year when the Manchester United benched its former star David Beckham for the Norwegian, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.

Away from the soccer field, European smokers are eyeballing Norway with a wary eye. Oslo’s Parliament, it would seem, has been infiltrated by health nuts who’ve taken a page out of Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s playbook. Starting in 2004, all bars, restaurants and cafes in Norway will be smoke-free. Think it’s cold to smoke a butt outside a bar in New York? Try Trondheim in the dead of winter.

Then there’s Norway thumbing its nose at the rest of us by being voted for the third year in a row as the best place to live by the United Nations’ Human Development Index; or its consistent ranking among the world’s least corrupt nations according to Transparency International; or its distinction as one of the world’s few countries where oil-wealth actually trickles down to the middle and lower classes, unlike shiftier states like Russia, Nigeria or Venezuela.

Norway, can’t you flub up at just one thing? It would seem not. Your people are gorgeous, your welfare system is just, and your economy is humming along, high taxes notwithstanding. So can you really blame us average sorts for poking fun at your limited imperfections?

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Lionel Beehner is a freelance writer living in New York City. He can be contacted at [email protected].

© 2003 Me Three