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Drink A Peach
By Chris Fara1
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The
marriage of tea leaves and peaches may have been the greatest event of
its kind since peanut butter and jelly's engagement. The romance is comparable
to that of ham and cheese, and certainly reminiscent of the milk and coffee
affair. Georgia's gems are brilliant complements to America's favorite
non-carbonated caffeine chill drink, while less fortunate flavors like
mint and mango leave taste buds craving that fuzzy flamboyance.
Those of us who love the combo can rarely be found without a puddle of
peaches pouncing around in our guts. It's a good thing it's available
at every corner store from ATL to LA, because sugarplums are the last
things dancing around in our heads.
Of course these nectars have been brewed with gourmet teas ever since Great Grandma England dropped some peach in the pot. The disclaimer has to be made for gourmet Brits who are forever bitter about America's sweet slant on their sips. They can sweat over hot urns all they want, so long as they shut the cup up when it comes to our dropping our bags on the rocks. We have traditions too!
Americans have been having tea parties since 1773, but it took Snapple and Lipton to go where no can had gone before - the convenience store cooler.
In case you're also in the market for a solid slug of peach, or if you simply haven't been bold enough to step outside of the boundaries that Snapple has drawn for us, the following analysis sizes up some of the leading refreshments in this category. Of course everybody's taste buds buddy up differently, but this iced tea lover has been chilling out for quite some time with the coolest sips on the street.
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HONEST
TEA / PEACH OO-LA-LONG:
Coming off cleaner than a whistle in a bubble bath, and lighter than an
anorexic's lunch, Honest Tea's experimentation with this friendly combination
is as good as it gets. Coming out years after its predecessors, and still
only available in the yuppiest spots, this Maryland based organic outfit
is going after consumers, with tongues eagerly appraising. People who
aren't afraid to try something new will be excitingly refreshed to see
what's behind the clever name and classy image that this rookie's been
brewing.
On a mild note, Oo-La-Long is so light on flavors that sugar cravers surely won't be satisfied. And the peach and tea tastes are more easily forgettable than the spark left by Glaceau's astronomically priced and under-spiced bottled waters. Almost entirely aftertaste free, Honest Tea's niche in the peach tea market rests on the easy end of the spectrum, providing sippers with a refreshing quality that's sure to have them reaching for either a sequel or the Equal.
ARIZONA
/ PEACH ICED TEA:
While the Long Island based Arizona Tea Company deserves credit for not
giving all of its products cutesy handles, its overpowering sweet stiffness
burns the throat and leaves an artificial residue. As the only brand that
doesn't lie about its lineage, Arizona saves drinkers the bother of wondering
whether or not there's anything natural about it. This stuff is to peaches
what Britney Spears is to music, a third rate product with a first-rate
wrapping.
Arizona rolled into town with a package that had Ron Jeremy jealous. After introducing the first 24-ounce soft drink can to America, the company never had any motivation to redo the brew. Just like the original, which left mouths dry and thirsty, the peach version leaves little to be admired. Of course there are some people for whom Arizona has become an acquired taste, in which case they have grown accustomed to indulging in the sweetest load on the market. However, diabetes patients and newcomers should bypass this one like the operations that regular consumers may need if they don't retire this shit soon.
TAZO
/ GIANT PEACH:
If you really could suck up a peach through a straw it would taste a lot
like this. Tazo recreates the unsubtle bite of a real peach, and adds
"iced green tea with apple and peach juices." If I could make
love to only one peachy joy, it would certainly be this one, though I
do suppose the mouthpiece is a bit narrow.
Going down as light and smooth as Honest Tea with the flavor of Snapple's blueprint, the Giant Peach is the biggest and freshest out there. Easy to find - since the company's going to bed with Starbucks - all of Tazo's products live up to the yuppie standard for overpriced caffeinated beverages. A whiff of this stuff is enough to fall in love. There's no going wrong when a big corporation gets its hands on a good recipe and some organic fruits.
SNAPPLE
/ PEACH ICED TEA:
Last, least, and full of peach is the cottonmouth classic that started
this rigmarole. All clichés aside, the students of nectar brew
certainly surpassed the one who wrote the curriculum. While not many people
would pass up a cold one on a hot day, Snapple's unsophisticated brashness
leaves a ring around your tonsils and film on your palette. Despite the
all-natural claim, the stained bottle bottoms are usually good for a good
gag or three.
Snapple may have pioneering credits, but their seasoned formula is no match for the recipes that have followed. Its products have consumers reaching for water bottles like ravers, but it's likely that you won't have any choice but to drink one at some point. They've got the block on lock, representing at every pizza spot and icebox from Woodstock to Little Rock. Snapple Peach may not be your best friend, but it's still nice to see a familiar face in this cold soda world.
* * *
There it is - over a thousand words about peach iced teas. Those of you who read this far must be in awe of the amount of nonsense before you. Or else you completely understand the hot and heavy relationship that a tea lover can have with a partner. So pick your pleasure and pucker up, because the peach party is a pretty posh place to polish off a few pops.
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Chris FARA1 has written for various underground hip-hop magazines, as well as some of the more audacious New York independents willing to publish his work. He can be reached at [email protected].
© 2003 Me Three