Click here for info on the Print Journal (and to purchase your copy)!

Not in a Day’s Work

By Sarah Stodola

---------------------------------------

I work in an office, which I once swore I would never do again. But that was before the dotcom bust, when I thought that all you needed in life was a few thousand dollars because all you had to do was invest those few thousand and in a few years they would have multiplied many many times over. It was also when I thought that all you had to do to have a career as a writer was to announce that you were going to have a career as a writer.

So I am now in this job where I am half receptionist, half administrative assistant, which needless to say isn't forcing me to exercise anything I ever learned in college, much less grad school. I make just about twice as much in this position than I would in a job where I did have to utilize the things I learned in school, which I think qualifies as true irony. So anyway I do this, and I still get to go to grad school, and I still get to work on my writing because the job really isn't that difficult so my energy isn't at all zapped away by it and I can still find the motivation to work on my writing even though I am ostensibly working. Sometimes I even get to work on my writing while I'm working. My situation could be a lot lot worse.

The thing is though, I used to think that I wanted nothing more than to be a writer. And now I'm starting to think that maybe I want nothing more than to not have to work in an office. I entertainment daydreams of marrying rich these days, when in reality I don't really think I even want to get married. I buy lottery tickets sometimes because who knows, it's worth a shot.

But really, if this writing thing doesn't work out, I realize that if I don't come up with a plan B I actually am going to work in an office for the rest of my life. So kids, here is my list of alternatives - Jobs that I would rather have than work in an office:

Bar owner - We all spend some of our nights in one anyway, the smoking ban is on so it won't give me lung cancer. I get to drink at work.

Prostitute - We all spend some of our nights in one anyway.  Just kidding.

Trophy Wife - It's only work if it feels like work. That's what the guy who invented the segway said on 60 minutes last night. So I guess it all depends on whose trophy I am.

Lottery Winner - There would be a lot of decisions to make regarding all of that money. I'd probably even have to install a home office and pay an accountant to make it tax deductible.

Real Estate Agent - I sometimes go to open houses just for the fun of spying on someone else's life. This way, I could make a career of it.

Spokesperson - Depends on what I'm speaking for, I guess. Energy-efficient appliances, yes. Whaling, no.

Celebrity - I get to hire other people to do my work for me, and make me look good, and tell me what to say, and book the best table at any restaurant in the whole world.

Tour Guide - Walking and talking - which is just fine with me - to a captive audience.

Sports Announcer - People pay you to attend and have good seats at important sporting events, "important" being relative here.

Wine Taster - People pay you to drink.

International Messenger - People pay you to travel overseas.

Importer - Ditto

Exporter - Ditto

Street Performer - I actually entertained thoughts of really doing this once, mostly because all I wanted in the world then was to live abroad, and this seemed like I good plan in getting around the whole work visa issue.

Street Vendor (Seasonal only) - Every morning on my way to my office job I stop by the pastry vendor outside my building and pay $1 for a chocolate croissant, and every morning I stand in a not short line to do so. I figure this guy must be clearing a few hundred bucks before 10am every morning, which means he makes a very decent living and receives a fabulous hourly wage.

Muse - Muse is such a nice word. It invokes images of a beautiful woman lolling about a chateau in airy clothing and occasionally getting painted. I could manage that.

---------------------------------------

Sarah Stodola is the Managing Editor of Me Three.  She can be contacted at [email protected].

© 2003 Me Three